What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and...

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

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I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Make Nazis afraid again!

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

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“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Would you raise your children like your parents raised you?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Why is it that women are stronger than men nowadays?

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Why won't Canada build their own fighter jet?

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

My son is possessed, now he has psychosis. Can someone help me?

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

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Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

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Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

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TEXT:

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

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And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority